Thursday, 16 March 2017

Charcuterie Bored

Sometimes if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

Usually all the signals are right there in front of you but most of us choose to ignore them.

Signal #1: Not a texter. In the age of phone app dating you have to be okay with texting. A self professed caller might sound romantic but there is something about the early stages of dating awkwardness that texting takes away. Plus who talks to us on the phone beside our moms?

Signal #2: He cancels our first attempt to meet because it was Halloween. Apparently Halloween is still for some, the gay Christmas. Two months later he texts (this was a three text exchange by the way) to ask me if I am still single. We set another date. I cancel because I prefer to attend my work Christmas party instead. New year arrives. Third time is a charm, right?. We finally set a date. It is happening.

Signal #3: Your first date is just okay. First dates can range from scarring to awful to okay to pleasant to amazing. This one was just okay. The equivalent would be a Tim Horton's coffee. Not great but it does the job. Enough to have another one another time. Double double anyone?

Singal #4: On our second date the conversation although more fluid is slightly repetitious. He, although quite cute, is not what you would say a charmer. The goodbye kiss, well, let's just say that was enough for me to ask for a third date.

Signal #5: On the third date, at a bar, he decides to comment on the hockey game that was on one of the screens and stop talking. After an awkward "hey bud, do you want me to drink my beer at the bar so you can watch the game" convo he decides to join me back on our date. I decide to ask him for a fourth date, mostly in an attempt to Netflix and chill.

Signal #6: I make dinner (I am a good cook but this time I buy it and reheat it. This date is not worthy of my cooking skills). I buy fun snacks and a set up a charcuterie board. Yes, let's not forget I am gay and we kind of go all out on these things. He arrives empty handed. (insert sound effect here). Big no no. Like seriously.
 Then when I offer a nice chocolate for dessert he goes and eats it all without offering me any of it. He also eats a whole bowl of cashews. Who does that?

Signal #7: He gets more excited about Lady Gaga's super bowl half time show than anything we have talked about in the past three dates. When I attempt to kiss him. He stops after about 10 seconds. May I remind everyone this is THE FOURTH date.

In the last fifteen minutes of the date he finally comes out his shell. Playful and fun. Too little too late. A couple of texting attempts from him are met with a non-chalante not interested attitude from me.

I am bored.

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