Friday, 11 November 2016

It's all phoney

Who needs a matchmaker when you have a smart phone.

Our phones are now our gate to dating. Our own personal encyclopedia. Our shield from weirdos. Our wingman.

When dating through an app we can use our phones to hide. To be assholes. To pretend to be the best version of ourselves. We can be anyone. A blessing and a curse. A double edge sword.

I have been guilty of all of the above. I use the fact that I am not in front of my possible date as an opportunity to impress. I have been known to google obscure facts about Korea or rewrite a text four times in an effort to be super witty and impress whoever is on the other side. I also have at times not answer to a sweet message from someone that is not my type.

Let's be honest, Who doesn't love to be able to block the riff raff. Avoid those we don't like. We can't do this in real life but we can do it over the phone.

It is all sweet and dandy until you have to actually go on a date with someone and be yourself. Never a problem for me but certainly a problem for my first Tinder match. We are going to call him H.

H's Pre-Date Personality Over Text
Great pictures. Super cute. A fashionista who loves his family and likes to flirt. Very chatty. Clever at times but mostly sweet. Very into telling me how handsome I am and how much he wants to meet me.

H's Post-Text Personality During the Date
He is wearing jogging pants. Takes me to a coffee shop because "Why going for a drink at a bar? it's not like we are going to marry or something". Looks at his phone literally the whole time. When he is not looking at his phone he talks about his ex and how much he misses him. Gets teary. Goes to the bathroom three times.

When I ask him "Why did you make me come all this way for a date if you are not really into it?" He says "Because I wanted to meet you".

I miss my phone. I want to hide behind it.

Enter OkCupid Date with L

L's Pre-Date Personality Over Text
Nice pictures. Guy next door with an edge. Witty. Super clever. Hilarious. Gets my obscure pop references and is very forward and flirty.

L's Post-Text Personality During the Date
Does not look like his pictures. More of a guy next door who you want to stay behind that door. Although the wit is still there, it is of the obnoxious kind. Very on. Very loud. Still very funny. Constantly talks about his job at a bank as if it is the equivalent of volunteer work in the third world. One of those dates that you are entertained but don't know what to do if you should stay and have drink or go home.

I guess the next time I will go to the bathroom and text him so I can engage his phone personality.

No comments:

Post a Comment