Thursday, 3 November 2016

Sleepy and Hollow

When all else fails. Join another app.

Enter Grindr. The land of headless torsos (maybe Ichabod Crane is real after all), silent bobs and the proverbial dick pic.

Back in my non-single days I remember reading about how Grindr changed dating for the gays. Well, so far it has not done anything for me. Grindr is like a dive bar where not a lot of dancing is happening. Nobody has a face and barely anyone talks.

Funny thing is, once you are in more than one app you start to see the regulars. You know, like that guy at the Starbucks in the corner of your street who likes a triple shot americano or that lady you always see on your way to work. But here it is the same smiley guy you are not interested in talking to.

What is funny about online dating is that people's personalities change depending on what app their are using. Romantic on OkCupid. Sarcastic on Scruff. Asshole on Grindr.  This is my non-scientific assessment.

Just for the record. I am pretty much the same in all of them. Jaded with a side of fun and a sprinkle of sarcasm. Moms love me.

My first Grindr interaction has pretty much set up every single one after that:

Headless torso with perfect abs: "Sup"
Me: "Hey, how are you?"
Headless torso with perfect abs: "Fine"
Me: "Do you happen to have a face?"
Headless torso with perfect abs - (dick pic)
Me: (block button)


Cutie with blue eyes: "Hey handsome"
Me: "Hello!"
Cutie with blue eyes: "Do you have another picture?"
Me: "yes" (I send a smiley yet mysterious picture of myself)
Cutie with blue eyes: "Another one?"
Me: (I send one of me being funny dancing with a Beyonce cutout at a grocery store)
Cutie with blue eyes:"....but do you have one of you naked" (such a charmer he is)
Me: I dont do nudes
Cutie: (blocks me)


RandomPairOfLegs: (dick pic)
                                  (dick pic)
                                  (dick pic)
Me: (block button)

And the list goes on and on and on. Sometimes instead of dick pics they send bums. I actually prefer a bum pic. But if I had to choose I pick a decent conversation.

Now. There is always exceptions. Enter classical pianist with a PHD. Great smile. Okay manners. Good banter. We basically talk about everything from Trump and the american election, his love for baroque music, to the best Indian food in Toronto. We exchange pictures. Lots of flirting.

Three hours later. We are still messaging. So far so good. I ask him for his number. He says he is not a texter. So I say let's  go for a drink the next day. He says yes but might have to see his family. "Stay tune. Will confirm with you tomorrow" her says. Next day. I log on. He has blocked me.

Whatever you are asking yourself right now?.... I already did.

1 comment:

  1. UGH the humanity!! These men have no idea what they are missing!
    A++ entertainment factor aside, can I just say that the rhythm of the writing in this post is awesome? Because it is.